Thursday, July 16, 2009

Good Luck, Mr. Sikorski

I heard this from a couple people - if it isn't true, it oughta be.

While Neil Armstrong was walking on the moon, at some point, it is said he giggled and said "Good Luck, Mr. Sikorski."

An enigmatic statement. Shout-out to a russian cosmonaut collegue? Or some friend or old acquaintance? It was largely forgotten, this odd blip in the greatest day anybody had ever seen.

Time passed. Every once in awhile, somebody from the press would ask the astronaut what he meant by the comment. And he would kind of smile and go on to the next question.

Supposedly one day somebody pressed for details. What did it mean? Who was he talking to?
Who was this Mr. Sikorski that merited a greeting from the first man walking on the moon?

Well, once when he was a kid, he and his friends were playing some ball in his back-yard. Somebody hit one over the fence - it landed in the neighbors' back yard, rolled to a spot just underneath their bedroom window.

Young Armstrong went to retrieve the ball. And, according to the legend, he heard the neighbor-lady's voice from inside the window. She and Mr. Sikorski were arguing about something. Said she:

"Oral Sex! You want oral sex? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door WALKS ON THE MOON!"

Sunday, April 26, 2009


I am on a roll here, two posts in one day.
Another limmerick:

A habitual drunkard named Greer

regarded his rump in a mirror

"Tis a bite mark I see, that was left upon me,

but where it's from isn't too clear."


Here's another one. It has nothing to do with Madonna falling off a horse, though.

...a mustard inspector named Julie

regarded the product quite coolly.

"It's yellow, tis true, but it's not going thru,

until it is stamped by yours trully."

Saturday, April 25, 2009

My Madonna-Falls-Off-A-Horse-Limmerick

An untalented rider, Madonna.

She fell off the horse she was on-ah.

She lit on the grass

rubbed her sore ass,

and then bit the horse like a piranha.

Thursday, June 19, 2008


Will you just look at this behemouth! (Not me, the strawberry.) It had been knocking over my
garbage cans at night and making the dogs go crazy and I got tired of that shit and took action! I set up a box-trap, baited it with breathmints and waited on the roof with binoculars for two nights. Finally here it came, sniffing around and TUG/PLOP it was ours! I sent in the kids - with baseball bats to finish it off.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

This just in...

I have received word that the weather-wienies meeting for tonight has been cancelled due to a forecast of rain.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Ava saves the day!

Sometimes the Good Lord will allow a poor man to lose his mule so he gets the happiness of finding it again.

This morning I woke up about five o'clock, rumbling thunder, thick sheets of rain. Wet, wet weather. Still dark. Couldn't go back to sleep - what was that blap-blap-blap sound?

Big fat drips. Oh, hello. Not a leaky roof. Not now. Geeyad, this is gonna cost. Shingles. Damn it all ta hell. Tired.

I hid under the covers. Life can be such a bitch sometimes. Mop. Carry wet stuff to the curb. Call the home improvement place. Shingles. Shit. Climb up on roof. Put tarp on for now. Lightning?

Then I noticed that this was not a blap-blap-blap-blap kind of sound. Water falling from a cieling would be more determined and inhumane, metronomic. No, this was more of a flup, flup, flup... and it was of a decidedly leisurely nature. There were pauses.

I poked my head out from under the covers.

Why, it was Ava (Ava is my dog Felix's dog-wife). And she was licking her monkey! Flup, flup, flup! She looked up, innocent as could be, smiled, wagged her tail, then fell to again, comforting herself in the aforementioned manner. She was certainly going to town on that . If she started doing that when there was company over, I'd tell her to stop.

So: The Roof Wasn't Leaking! Ava saved me probably the entirety of my economic stimulus package! Hooray for Ava! My new personal hero!

I got up and had a decidedly happy day. Rain and all.